“The Burglar” ~ April 25, 1947

“The Smiths of Hollywood” was a radio sitcom, set in Hollywood, California. It aired from September 28, 1946 to July 4, 1947 (27 episodes).  This cast starred Harry Von Zell as attorney Bill Smith, Brenda Marshall as his wife Nancy, and British star Arthur Treacher as Sir Cecil Smythe, their snooty British relative. Jan Ford played daughter Shirley, better known as Bumps. Since the show was set in Hollywood, celebrities frequently dropped by: Lucille Ball, William Holden, and Ann Sheridan, to name a few. Future “Lucy” cast members who also appeared included Jerry Hausner, Lurene Tuttle, Ruth Perrott, Alan Hale Jr., and Frank Nelson. The program was syndicated. 

Music was provided by The Charles Hathaway Orchestra. It was recorded in front of a live audience. It was produced by Andrew Hickox, who later became Lucille Ball’s business manager. 

CAST

Harry Von Zell (Bill Smith) is probably most famous for appearing on “The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show” (1951-59). 

Known for his quick and clever ad-libbing, he nevertheless got quite a bit of ribbing and won an honorary award in the Immortal National Hall of Bloopers Fame for referring to President Herbert Hoover once as “Hoobert Heever."  

Arthur Treacher (Sir Cecil Smythe) was famous for playing butlers and pompous Brits in Hollywood films.  He played the Constable in Mary Poppins (1964). 

Brenda Marshall (Nancy Smith) was married to William Holden. Her last screen appearance was as one of the Hollywood wives in “The Fashion Show” (ILL S4;E20) in 1955. 

Jan Ford (Shirley Smith, aka ‘Bumps’) received an Academy Award nomination for her performance in Come Back, Little Sheba (1952). In the 1970s she was in the news more than she was in films, asserting that she was the secret wife of the late billionaire Howard Hughes.

Tyler McVey (Announcer)  did four episodes of “I Love Lucy”:  “The Charm School” (ILL S3;E15),   “Bon Voyage” (ILL S5;E13), “Second Honeymoon” (ILL S5;E14), and “Lucy Raises Chickens” (ILL S6;E19).

The actor playing the Burglar is uncredited and unidentified. 

“THE BURGLAR” 

Bill and Nancy had the house to themselves, so they relax. Nancy suggests a fire in the fireplace, but Bill can’t be bothered to chop the wood. Bill suggests that they make some fudge, but Nancy can’t be bothered to mix the ingredients. Nancy suggests they call the Breslins. Bill suggests they call the Howards.  Bill is annoyed by Nancy’s knitting. Nancy is annoyed by Bill’s reading the newspaper.  They wonder why they didn’t go to the movies with Bumps and Uncle Cecil.  They begin to argue over who said what!  So much for a peaceful evening at home!  

Bumps and Uncle Cecil are walking home from the movies.  Cecil wasn’t thrilled by the suspense film they saw, but Bumps thought it was amusing and much better than the one Cecil wanted to see about the blondes in the penthouse.

BUMPS: “Girls, girls, girls! What a thing to take a child to.”

Cecil is shocked that the movie she wanted to see was all female vampires.

CECIL: “Ghouls, ghouls, ghouls! What a thing to take an adult to.”

They see a man across the street trying to break into a house through a window. Cecil threatens to call a ‘bobby’.  The man says he is locked out of his own home.  Cecil offers to boost him through the window, but when he thinks he won’t make it, Cecil offers to go through the window for him.  His name is Mr. Valentine. Cecil tells Bumps to run on home, and is boosted through the window. 

At home, Bill and Nancy are still arguing. Bill decides to turn on the radio. There is a boxing match on.  A word from the sponsor.  

[Note: Because the show was syndicated, the orchestra plays during the break while a local announcer would later insert advertising.] 

Nancy switches off the boxing match in disgust as Bumps comes home from the movie.  He left Uncle Cecil crawling through the window of a house on the corner of Valley Vista.  Bumps realized that it was a Lucille Ball’s house!   Now Uncle Cecil is prowling around Lucille Ball’s house!

NANCY: “If Desi Arnaz, her husband comes home there’s no telling what will happen.”
BILL: “Listen, Bumps. You’re sure the man wasn’t Desi Arnaz?”
BUMPS: “Positive. He didn’t have his drum.” 

At Lucille Ball’s house, Uncle Cecil trips over a coffee table under the window. 

LUCY: “Desi? Is that you?”
CECIL: “Desi? What’s a Desi?”

LUCY (to herself): “It’s getting to be like Grand Central Station in here. A girl can’t even spend a quiet evening in the quilt.” 

Lucy answer the bell. It is Bill. He explains that the man in her closet is her Uncle Cecil.  Bill explains the whole confusion, and Lucy wants to apologize.  They hear Uncle Cecil rambling, and realize he has found the case of Scotch Lucy had stored in the closet. Cecil says he’s happy in there and he’s never coming out.  

BILL: “By the time he finishes off that Scotch, you’ll wish the real burglar had gotten in!”
BURGLAR: “I am in.”
LUCY (screams): “They’re coming through the woodwork!”

The Burglar has a gun and tells them to put up their hands.  Bill tries to fool the Burglar by telling him that the closet is full of jewels. The Burglar conks Bill on the head, knocking him out.  She opens the closet door and Cecil knocks him out cold!  Cecil thinks it was Lucy that hit him.  She apologizes for the confusion. Cecil wants to resume the game by going back into the closet to finish off the case of Scotch.  

Back at home, Nancy is nursing Bill from his conk on the head. Bill professes his love for Nancy and says goodnight. 

[Once again the orchestra plays while the sponsors read their commercial messages.]

End of Episode