A RED-HAIRED SQUIRREL

August 15, 1965

By PAUL MOLLOY, Chicago Sun-Times Special 

Hollywood — She paced about with jerky, nervous movements and a furrowed brow, evoking the picture of a squirrel — if you can imagine a squirrel with red hair, tight slacks and a constant cigarette between its lips. 

Now she left her place on the stage and perched on a stool to survey the positions of the other actors. Then she returned and went through her lines. 

“No, no!“ she exclaimed. "I should be standing here — not there — when he comes through the door. Let’s try it again.” 

They did and then she broke off again and walked up to a female extra and said: ‘‘I want you to have your hair down for this scene, and wear a pattern dress.”

A prop man started to tuck in the folds of a tablecloth. “No!” she cried. “Leave it that way. I want to be able to see under the table.” 

The cast went through its lines again and the director — who hadn’t been doing too much directing at this point — signaled for another break. “What happens now?” the squirrel yelled. “Can I go do some studying?” 

This was Lucille Ball, onetime New York waitress and now president of a corporation (Desilu) which takes in an annual gross of $25 million. And this was dress rehearsal for an episode of the Lucy show which in September will premiere another season for the comedienne. 

I asked her if the real thing, the filming, was to go on that night. 

“I hope not!” she yiped. “This is a rough one and we’re running behind. We film it tomorrow night before an audience. Every Thursday night is opening night around here.” 

Miss Ball at work—whether acting out her role or “directing” — is a marvel to watch. She is a perfectionist, a serious actress and an earnest executive. Yet her flair for mischief seldom leaves her. 

During filming of an outdoor scene in which she was dunked in water, a dog in the vicinity was heard to bark — ruining the take. 

“Give that dog a check” she cried “I don’t want to do that scene again!” 

During another scene two nuns who were visiting the set conversed in what they thought were inaudible whispers. But the whispers were loud enough to be caught on the soundtrack, and again the take was ruined. 

“Somebody tell those nuns to stop praying.” Miss Ball wailed in mock misery.

Watching her in action, it’s difficult to believe the verdict of the director of the acting school which she joined when she was 15. He wrote to her mother and laid it on the line; “She has no talent” (that’s when she became a waitress). 

As I left the sound stage I walked by her dressing room where she had gone, with Joan Blondell, to study her lines. She was still at it, full force. 

The lady never seems to stop. 

Said Desilu executive Howard McClay: “You have to run to stay ahead of her.” 

Fly, I think, is a better word.

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FOOTNOTES FROM THE FUTURE

Paul Malloy couldn’t have picked a worse time to visit the set of “The Lucy Show”.  Perhaps the presence of a reporter added to the stress level. The mention of Joan Blondell means that Malloy was there during rehearsals for either “Lucy and Joan” (TLS S4;E4), which aired October 11, 1965, or “Lucy the Stunt Man” (TLS S4;E5), which aired October 18, 1965. Blondell was contracted for three appearances, but quit after the second when she had harsh words with Ball in front of the cast and crew.  The particular words in question were “Fuck you, Lucille Ball!”  

The two never reconciled. The very next episode, Lucy brought back Ann Southern as the Countess Framboise to fill the void left by the departure of Vivian Vance. 

If it seems like Lucy did a lot of directing – she did. The director of record for these two episodes was Maury Thompson. Thompson, a former camera coordinator for Desilu, was only directing for the fourth time – which is likely why Ball hired him. He knew about Lucille’s control issues and wouldn’t balk at his creative authority being eclipsed by his boss / star.  He remained as director until the end of the fifth season and was replaced by Jack Donohue, his predecessor.