BILL STERN’S SPORTS NEWSREEL

May 24, 1946

“Bill Stern’s Sports Newsreel” was heard on NBC radio from 1937 to 1953, and CBS radio from 1953 to 1956. Until 1951, the fifteen-minute show was known as the Colgate Sports Newsreel. There were many guest stars and each show shared a story. 

The broadcast was heard under several different titles over the years including “The Bill Stern Sports Review”, “The Colgate Sports Newsreel”, and “Bill Stern Sports”.

Bill Stern (1907-71) was hailed as one of the greatest sportscaster that ever lived, Bill Stern knew how to captivate his audience. With a strong background in theater and vaudeville, Stern used techniques rarely heard on a radio sportscast. Stern eulogized the obscure, the near-great, and the great. Stern would tell fantastic tales about the oddest characters that have ever played professional sports. Stern would punctuate his extraordinary legends with long, overstated pauses, soap-opera-like vocal emotion, relentless repetition, and major exaggerated words in every sentence. As a performer, he was also seen and heard in films, including We’ve Never Been Licked (1943) with sports fan William Frawley. 

[Sung to the tune of “Mademoiselle from Armentières" (aka ‘Hinky Dinky Parlez-vous’):

Bill Stern the Colgate Shave Cream man is on the air!
Bill Stern the Colgate Shave Cream man with stories rare!
Take his advice and you’ll look nice,
Your face will feel as cool as ice,
With Colgate shaves you’ll be a fan!

EPISODE

“Bill Stern brings you the 342nd edition of the Colgate Shave Cream Sports Newsreel, featuring strange and fantastic stories, some legends others mere hearsay but all so interesting. Special guest tonight is one of the most famous movie stars in Hollywood Miss Lucille Ball.”

Reel One: 

Chicago Cubs third baseman Stan Hack uses Colgate Brushless Shave Cream.  A recorded testimonial is played. Stern offers a double-your-money-back guarantee.  

Real Two: Profile of Great Athletes Who Are Not Famous as Athletes

His first story is about a pitcher who broke his arm and had to adapt by using his other arm and found he could draw. Believe it or not – it was Bob Ripley!

Second, a cricket player who was so badly injured playing that was reduced to bedrest for twelve years.  Strange as it is, he started to write and today is known as H.G. Wells.  

Third, the story of Charles Dodgson, who raced sailing boats. During a storm, he told stories to children aboard the boat to calm them. He later put them down on paper. Those stories became “Alice in Wonderland” and the sailor was known as Lewis Carroll.

He tells the story of a writer who became an athlete – a race car driver. The driver hit an oil patch and crashed into a concrete wall doing 90 miles an hour. A newsreel producer saw the grisly footage of the accident and offered the driver a screen test that led to a Hollywood film contract. That driver’s name was Lucille Ball. [*1*] Stern introduces MGM’s Lucille Ball.

Lucy says that after the accident she was told she would never walk again. She says that she enjoys swimming, tennis, horseback riding, badminton, and riding in an aqua-plane!  She flips the script on Stern, and asks him to verify the stories he told about Bob Ripley and Lewis Carroll, which he does.  He then asks her the name of her latest picture.

LUCILLE BALL: “It’s called ‘Easy To Wed’ and I think I enjoyed making it more than any picture I ever made.”

She says she enjoyed it because it’s a comedy in Technicolor, and because of her co-star Van Johnson (”Hubba-hubba-hubba!”).  

Stern tells viewers that Lucille has been decorated four times for her service during the war and reads the inscription on one of her medals: “To Lucille Ball, who gave her time with unselfish devotion in the entertainment of our troops.”  Lucille reminds listeners that our veterans are still in need of our help.  Lucille says thank you and goodnight.

Real Three: 

Charles F. McCarthy does a commercial for Colgate Brushless – Shave Cream of Champions. 

Reel Four:  Profile of the 24th of May

May 24th in history, during World War One, Jack Judge, Felix Powell and Ivor Novello sat at Wimbledon watching the tennis when it was discovered that they were all song writers. They wager one thousand pounds if they can write a war song and get it published. They vow to meet a year later. 

Jack Judge wrote “It’s A Long Way To Tipperary” – although Judge could not march himself – he was crippled. 

Felix Powell wrote “Pack Up Your Troubles in Your Old Kit-Bag and Smile, Smile, Smile” – although Powell himself could not smile. In fact, he was so depressed he took his own life. 

Ivor Novello wrote “Keep the Home-Fires Burning (Till The Boys Come Home)” – although ironically, Novello’s own home burned to the ground during World War Two.  Novello came to the US in 1917 to entertain the troops, singing the songs. At one camp, he met an America soldier who wrote a song he considered a failure. Novello listened to it and declared it the greatest war song he’d ever heard.  That song was “God Bless America” and the soldier was Irving Berlin. 

Stern says that next Friday night he’ll be broadcasting from Chicago with special guest Jimmy Dorsey. 

Bill Stern the Colgate Shave Cream man is on his way!
Bill Stern the Colgate Shave Cream man has lots to say!
He told you tales of sports heroes!
The inside dope he really knows,
So listen in next Friday night! 
C-O-L-G-A-T-E!

Lucille Ball appeared courtesy of MGM. The show was broadcast from New York City. 

FOOTNOTE from the Future

[*1*] This story is almost completely untrue. Yes – Lucille Ball was told she may never walk again – after being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in her twenties. She was never a writer or a race car driver, although she posed as one for photographs. It is ironic that she asks Stern to verify the other stories, but allows this outrageous tale to be told on national radio.  She had launched her career saying she was from Butte, Montana, and that her father was a mining executive. She also was said to have been a skilled aviatrix who shot crocodiles flying over the jungles of Columbia. Ball never doubles down on Stern’s dramatic story, but doesn’t disabuse it either.

For the real take on Lucille Ball and sports, click and read Lucy The Sports Fan!