THEY CALLED HER MOUSEY

May 22, 1947

• Directed by Mark Sloan
• Music Composed by Jack Miller
• Dramatized by Robert Sloan from the story “They Called Her Mousey” as it appeared in Reader’s Digest 

Radio Reader’s Digest was a compilation of short stories for radio, much like the print edition was to books. It began on CBS in 1942 sponsored by Campbell Soup.  In January 1946 it began being sponsored by Hallmark, the greeting card manufacturer. On June 6, 1946, Lucille Ball appeared in a story titled “Ariella”.  In June 1948, the show officially became known as the Hallmark Playhouse, the predecessor to the Hallmark Hall of Fame that still airs today.  Some of the many stars who appeared on Radio Reader’s Digest included: Orson Welles, Charles Boyer, Tallulah Bankhead, Ann Sothern, Joan Blondell, and Bob Hope, all of whom would later guest-star on Lucille Ball’s television shows.

CAST 

Lucille Ball (Crystal Laverne aka Mousey) was about to premiere her 68th film Lured (1947).  Easy To Wed (film #63) was in cinemas when this radio broadcast aired.

Richard Kollmar (Host) was a Broadway actor and producer.  The 1954 “I Love Lucy” episode “Mr. and Mrs. TV Show” was inspired by radio’s “Breakfast with Dorothy and Dick” (1945-63), which featured Kollmar and his wife Dorothy Kilgallen.

Larry Haines (Eddie)  was a radio star who found success on television in daytime dramas. First Lady Patricia Nixon called him her favorite soap star.

Howard Smith (Mr. Eganspan)  was a heavy-set character actor who specialized in judges, police officers, corporate bigwigs and assorted choleric authoritarians. A frequent guest star on the sitcom “Hazel” (1961).

Tom Shirley (Announcer)

EPISODE

Before the story begins, Dick Kollmar calls out Lucille Ball to talk about her role.  Lucille say that her first job on Broadway wasn’t in the theatre, but as a soda jerk on the corner. After a string of jobs including modeling, she finally made it into the theatre.  [Lucille was probably referring to her brief time rehearsing for the road company of Rio Rita, a job she lost before the tour started.]  Kollmar calls her the ‘Queen of Comedy’ and she says that there’s a little ‘Mousey’ in all of us.

Lucille talks about the value of Hallmark cards, and recalls something she read in Reader’s Digest, which she reduces to “Or as my pop used to say, ‘Get in there and  pitch!”  [Since her father died when she was four years old, it is unlikely that Lucille actually remembers her father using a baseball analogy.]

The story begins… A switchboard operator gets a call for Crystal Laverne aka Mousey.

MOUSEY (Brooklyn accent; to us): “I’m Mousey. At least that’s what the girls at the office call me: Mousey. A timid little rose who just sits at the typewriter all day and pounds out legal words for Norton, Shindwell, and Eganspan. I don’t understand what I write. I just draw up thousand dollar contracts, million dollar lawsuits, and billion dollar mergers, and all I get is twenty two fifty.” 

Mousey takes the call, even though it is against the rules. It is her boyfriend Eddie. He wants to take her out to dinner.  She’s afraid he’s spending too much money on her, but agrees to meet her that night for Chinese food.

Just as Mousey is trying to finish up her work, her typewriter breaks down. She’ll never make her date on time. Belle, her co-worker, tells her to tell Mr. Eganspan that she needs a new typewriter.  Mousey clams up every time she sees him.  Belle tells her to leave at six o’clock whether she’s done or not!  Mousey reluctantly agrees – until Mr. Eganspan bursts in asking for her to finish up before she leaves.

 MOUSEY (To us): “It took me a whole hour to do those five pages. And if I hadn’t used  aother typewriter, I’d be there yet. As it was I didn’t get to Lin Chow’s till ten after seven. By that time the place was so crowded I couldn’t even find Eddie.”

The waiter tells Mousey that Eddie left ten minutes ago – and that he was mad.

MOUSEY (To us): “I walked around to the Empire Arena – and slid in the side door. I knew he’d be working there. I had to speak to him, so…”

Eddie says he’s disgusted that every time he makes a date with her it’s the same old story.  Mousey says the broken typewriter hangs over her like a phobia.  She vows she’ll get rid of it tomorrow.  Turn over a new leaf.  He says that he was gonna ask her to marry him. He even picked out the ring and everything.

Next day, with Belle’s encouragement, Mousey practices telling Mr. Eganspan about the typewriter, although her heart is not in it.  When she sees that he is a bad mood, she changes her mind.  The typewriter causes her to misses her lunch date with Eddie.  Eddie comes to her office and demands he speak to him about the typewriter if she wants to keep him!  Mr. Eganspan barks at her “Another time, Mousey!” and she retreats.  Eddie leaves the office – and her life.

End of Act One

Dick Kollmar does a commercial for Hallmark’s Mr. Bluebird Cards, based on song “Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah” from the 1946 live action / animated Disney film Song of the South. In the film, Mr. Bluebird was voiced by Clarence Nash, best known as the voice of Donald Duck. Nash also provided the voice of Donald Duck for Lucille Ball’s 1938 film Joy of Living.

Act Two

MOUSEY (To us): “By the time I got downstairs, Eddie was gone. I called up his hotel room, but there wasn’t any answer, so I went over to the arena to find out if any of the boys knew where he was. They were all pretty busy moving the circus in to town.”

They tell her he isn’t there, but he might be at the luncheonette down the street. Mousey looks there, but he isn’t there.  She decides to sit at the counter and wait for him. The waiter wants her to order something or leave.  She orders some coffee and macaroons and decides to wait.

They both hear a lion’s roar and they realize that a lion’s gotten loose from the circus.  The lion comes right up to Mousey and eats the macaroon off her plate!  She calls him Fido and scratches him behind the ear.  His trainer finally shows up.  The lion’s name is Caesar.  The trainer says he’s a killer!  Mousey faints.

After coming to, the press surrounds Mousey to ask her about braving the lion in the luncheonette.  She does her best to answer the onslaught of questions but is late for work.  She rushes back to the office.  Mr. Eganspan says she smells like she’s been to the circus.  She starts typing…but….

MOUSEY (To us): “Ya know, I think I’d be at that darned old typewriter yet if it hadn’t been for Caesar. The keys kept jammin’ just as they always had and Belle kept egging me on to speak to Mr. Eganspan, but when I got to his office that old mousey feelin’ came right back to me. Only this time I noticed a bit of tawny fur that Caesar’ had left on my knee, and right away my blood began to boil. I don’t know if it was the lion in me or the mouse, but before I knew it I had thrown open Mr. Eganspan’s door and was scowlin’ at him just as hard as he was scowlin’ me!”

She draws the line and tells him she will do no more work until he replaces her typewriter. She tells him not to call her Mousey. It’s not her name!  Mr. Eganspan is totally taken aback.  He backs down and meekly tells her he’s tired and discouraged.  She gives him advice not to be afraid.

Later, Eddie telephones and starts asking her questions about what has happened. She thinks he’s talking about her showdown with Mr. Eganspan, but he has heard about her encounter with the lion!  She tells Eddie that the lion was nothing compared to Mr. Eganspan. He’s even bought her a new typewriter!

EDDIE: “How did you get a new typewriter out of old Eganspan?”
MOUSEY: “I just scratched him behind the ear!”  

End of Episode

Lucille Ball appeared courtesy of MGM, producers of High Barbaree starring Van Johnson and June Allyson.