THREE FOR TWO

December
3, 1975

Directed
by Charles Walters ~ Written by James Eppy

Synopsis

Lucille
Ball and Jackie Gleason play three married couples in three stories
about married life. 

Cast

Lucille
Ball (Sally
/ Rita / Pauline) was
born on August 6, 1911 in Jamestown, New York. She began her screen
career in 1933 and was known in Hollywood as ‘Queen of the B’s’
due to her many appearances in ‘B’ movies. With Richard Denning,
she starred in a radio program titled “My Favorite Husband” which
eventually led to the creation of “I Love Lucy,” a television
situation comedy in which she co-starred with her real-life husband,
Latin bandleader Desi Arnaz. The program was phenomenally successful,
allowing the couple to purchase what was once RKO Studios, re-naming
it Desilu. When the show ended in 1960 (in an hour-long format known
as “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour”) so did Lucy and Desi’s
marriage. In 1962, hoping to keep Desilu financially solvent, Lucy
returned to the sitcom format with “The Lucy Show,” which lasted
six seasons. She followed that with a similar sitcom “Here’s
Lucy” co-starring with her real-life children, Lucie and Desi Jr.,
as well as Gale Gordon, who had joined the cast of “The Lucy Show”
during season two. Before her death in 1989, Lucy made one more
attempt at a sitcom with “Life With Lucy,” also with Gordon.

Jackie
Gleason
(Herb / Fred / Mike) was
born in 1916. He became one of America’s most recognized all-around
entertainers but is perhaps best remembered for his iconic character
of bus driver Ralph Kramden on “The Honeymooners” which was seen
on CBS just like “I Love Lucy.”  On “The Lucy Show” Lucy
Carmichael frequently referred to Gleason even borrowing his “Away
we go” exit in a couple of episodes. In 1968 he did a wordless
cameo on “Lucy Visits Jack Benny” (HL S1;E2) as bus driver Ralph
Kramden. He died in 1987.

Gino
Conforti
(Waiter in “Herb & Sally”) began
his TV acting career in 1968 and has been continually working since,
although mostly as one-off characters. He had a recurring role as
Felipe on “Three’s Company” from 1980 to 1982, a series Lucille
Ball admired. He played the burglar in “Lucy Plays Cops and
Robbers” (HL S6;E14) in 1974. He was also seen in “Lucy Gets
Lucky” earlier in 1975.  

Vanda
Barra
(Hostess in “Fred & Rita”) made
over two dozen appearances on “Here’s Lucy” as well as
appearing in “Lucy Gets Lucky” (with Dean Martin) earlier in 1975

. She
was seen in half a dozen episodes of “The Lucy Show.” Barra was
Lucille Ball’s cousin-in-law by marriage to Sid Gould. 

Irene
Sale
(Woman #1 in “Fred & Rita”) was a stunt double and played
Louise (uncredited) on Desilu’s original “Star Trek” in 1966.
This is her penultimate screen credit. 

Eddie
Garrett
(Man #1 in “Fred & Rita”) did two episodes of “Here’s Lucy”
and also played a party guest in Mame
(1974). He retired in 1986 and died in 2010.

Mel
Pape
(Man at Table in “Fred & Rita”) was Jackie Gleason’s
long-time personal assistant. As such he played small roles in such
Gleason projects as Smokey
and the Bandit
(1977), Nothing
in Common
(1986), and The
Sting II
(1983). He died in 1995.  

Due
to the darkness of the nightclub only Lucille Ball and Jackie
Gleason’s faces are actually visible on screen. Barra, Sale, Garrett
and Pape remain in shadows.  

Tammi
Bula
(Maureen in “Mike & Pauline”) played the recurring role of
Marcia Woolery on “The Waltons.” One of her six episodes aired a
month before this special.

Maureen
is Mike and Pauline’s daughter. She is engaged to marry her boyfriend
Steven.

Paul
Linke (Alfred

in “Mike & Pauline”)
also appeared on “The Waltons” in an episode that aired the day
after this special was first broadcast. He spoke at the memorial
service for his good friend John
Ritter,
who had appeared on “Life With Lucy” in 1986.  

Alfred
is Mike and Pauline’s son. He recently broke up with his girlfriend
Betty Dorsey.

---

Director
Charles
Walters
was an uncredited director on Ziegfeld
Follies
(1945) which starred Lucille Ball, although not in the segment he
staged. He also directed two episodes of “Here’s Lucy” and will
also direct “What Now Catherine Curtis?” in 1976.

This
special is billed as “Renee Taylor and Joseph Bologna’s ‘Three for
Two’” which may indicate that the material was originally written
for the married comedy team (who often performed together) instead
of Lucy and Gleason. This is James Eppy’s only screen credit which
may indicate that this was merely a pseudonym for Taylor and Bologna
as writers. Screen writer Joseph Bologna will act in Lucille Ball’s
next special “What Now Catherine Curtis?”

This
was Lucille Ball’s third prime time special after the end of “Here’s
Lucy” in 1974. The first two were “Happy Anniversary and Goodbye”
and “Lucy Gets Lucky” nine months earlier.  

This
special is available on DVD from MPI video or can be streamed online.
It was originally aired on CBS in the USA and ITV in the UK.

There is no studio audience or laugh track.  

Although
he made a wordless walk-on cameo as bus driver Ralph Kramden in the
second-aired “Here’s Lucy”, this is the first time Lucille Ball
and Jackie Gleason have acted together on screen.  This continues
Ball’s employment of “Honeymooners” alumni:

• Art
  Carney (Ed Norton) in “Happy Anniversary and Goodbye” and “What
  Now Catherine Curtis?”
• Audrey
  Meadows (Alice Kramden) in “Life With Lucy” (1986)
• Jane
  Kean (Trixie Norton from 1966 on) in “The Lucy Show” (1966)

In
form and content, this material resembles Neil Simon’s 1968 play and
1971 film Plaza
Suite,
which is also divided into three stories with actors playing multiple
roles. The fact that the first story of the special takes place in a
hotel suite strengthens the comparison. The year after this special
aired, Simon wrote a similar play titled California
Suite
which was filmed in 1978.

Like
the two previous Lucille Ball Specials, the show reunites many
“Here’s Lucy” production staff, including hairstylist Irma
Kusely, prop master Kenneth Westcott, costumer Renita Reachi, and
script supervisor Dorothy Aldworth.

This
special was berated by the critics and the ratings were not as large
as Lucille Ball’s previous specials. CBS worried that it would lose
its number one place after more than twenty seasons at the top. This
pretty much spells the end of CBS’s confidence in television shows
featuring Lucille Ball.

---

“Herb
& Sally” (20
minutes) ~ Lucy and Jackie Gleason play Herb and Sally Wolbert, a
middle-aged couple from Cleveland with grown children who are on a
month-long vacation in Italy after 24 years of marriage. After Rome
they are traveling on to Venice, Capri, and the ruins of Pompeii.  

As
Sally, Lucille Ball has on a black wig with silver highlights. She
wears a peach chiffon nightgown (which she also owns in blue and
black).

The
story opens with Sally singing a carefree verse of “Volare,”
a song that Dean Martin sung on the previous Lucille Ball special
“Lucy Gets Lucky.”  

Oops! When
the waiter hands Herb the room service menu, it opens far enough to
see that Jackie Gleason has his lines written on the inside. Gleason
was not a big fan of rehearsing, while Lucille Ball was a stickler
for it.  

SALLY:
“I
gave up a successful career to marry you!”
HERB:
“You
were a screw counter in a hardware store.”
SALLY:
“I
was learning the business.”

Lucy
Barker will be co-owner of a hardware store in Lucille Ball’s last
television series “Life With Lucy” (1986). Herb reminds her that
his own career as a bamboo furniture salesman is no fun. Herb
demeans himself by entertaining buyers in nightclubs and doing his
Peter Lorre impersonation.  

HERB:
“Do
you mean you don’t like my impersonation of Peter Lorre?”
SALLY:
“It
stinks, Herb.”
HERB:
“Then
our whole marriage is based on a lie.”

To
prove his Peter Lorre impersonation is good, he does it for the
waiter: “Did
you get the information, Mr. Miller?  You didn’t get the information,
Mr. Miller? You were supposed to get the information, Mr. Miller.”
Gleason is paraphrasing Lorre’s dialogue from All
Through the Night
(1942) in which Gleason himself co-starred with Lorre, Humphrey
Bogart and Ludwig Stössel as Mr. Miller. The waiter incorrectly
guesses he is imitating Gina Lollobrigida!  

HERB:
(to Sally) “I’m
fat!  I’m fat!  And every pound I’ve put on you’ve put there!”

Sally
says there are three men in Cleveland that keep her sane: Lou
Fergazi, her butcher; Andre Molan, her decorator; and Stu Bridgeman,
her family doctor.

SALLY:
(yelling
to the street from the balcony)
“I’m a pleasure object!”
HERB:
“She’s
45 and in two months she’ll be a grandmother!  You hear that?  A
grandmother!”

Lucy
Ricardo visited Rome in one of the most memorable episodes of “I
Love Lucy,” “Lucy’s Italian Movie” (ILL S5;E23), where she
soaks up local color for a movie role by stomping grapes with her
feet.

---

“Fred
& Rita”
(5:30 minutes) ~
Lucy and Gleason play banker Fred N. Schneider and homemaker Rita
Fledgeman, a couple carrying on a discrete affair and trying to
decide whether they should tell their spouses. They meet at Cookie’s
Tip-Toe Inn, a dimly lit hideaway nightclub.

RITA: “I Love the touch of your aftershave. The sound of your hair when it moves.”
FRED: “And I love the smell of your boa.”

Lucille
Ball wears an upswept blonde wig and a feather boa. At first, both
Fred and Rita wear sunglasses, despite the darkness of the club.  

RITA:
“I’m
only alive when I’m with you. I’m dead at the supermarket.  I’m dead
at the PTA. I’m dead at the beauty parlor.”
FRED:
“You
think you’re dead? I’m dead at the bank. I’m dead at the little
league games.”
RITA:
“Are
you dead with Myrna?”
FRED:
“Of
course I’m dead with Myrna. Why?  Aren’t you dead with Harry?”
RITA:
“You
know I’m dead with Harry.  I live only for you!”

Fred is married to Rita’s best friend Myrna. Rita is married to Harry, Fred’s second cousin. They’ve been married twenty years.

RITA:
(about a possible time to meet again) “The
only possible day is Veteran’s Day.”
FRED:
“I’d
love to, but I’m marching.”
RITA:
“You’d
rather march than go away with me?”
FRED:
“I
can cheat on my wife, but not the National Guard.”

---

“Mike
& Pauline” ~
Lucy and Gleason play domineering parents involved in a New Year’s Eve
family crisis as they are forced to recognize their college-aged
children’s declaration of independence.

As
Pauline, Lucille Ball wears a honey-brown wig, topped with a paper
crown (because it is New Year’s Eve).  

Mike
lists his best friends as Johnny Bridges, Georgie Shry, Tommy Ritzo,
Eddie Kunz, and Lefty Bryan.  

MIKE:
(about his best friends) “I
always listened to their viewpoints and made sure that I had all the
facts – before I punched each one of them out. It happens to be the
code I live by: logic – and then violence.”

Mike
mentions the family’s New Year’s Eve traditions of watching the ball
drop in Times Square, listening to Guy Lombardo, and the kids
watching Mike and Pauline dance to “Apple Blossom Time.”  ”(I’ll
Be With You) In Apple Blossom Time" was written
by Albert
Von Tilzer and
Neville Fleeson in
1920. It
was introduced on big screen by the Andrews Sisters in their 1941
film Buck
Privates.
In “Lucy and the Andrews Sisters” (HL S2;E6, above), Lucille Ball,
Lucie Arnaz, and Patty Andrews sing it as part of a medley of the
Andrews Sisters’ greatest hits. Guy
Lombardo
was mentioned on “Lucy and the Drum Contest” (HL S3;E4) when
Harry calls him his favorite musician.  

MIKE: (to his grown children, angry) “Nobody’s going anywhere. No how, no way, no chance!  The case is dismissed! Through!  Finished!  Done!”
PAULINE: (calmly) “Now that’s fair.  Your father’s very fair.”

Only
one episode of a Lucille Ball sitcom was ever set on New Year’s Eve:
“Chris’s New Year’s Eve Party” (TLS S1;E14), originally aired on
December 31, 1962.

Alfred
wants to quit college and become a nightclub comic. Mike tries in
vain to give his son some pointers about the timing of his jokes.
Before being signed to a film contract, Jackie Gleason worked as a
nightclub comic at New York’s Club 18.  

In
the end, the children go out to be with their dates and Mike and
Pauline watch the ball drop on TV to the strains of “Auld Lang
Syne.” As they dance in the living room to “Apple Blossom Time”
Mike and Pauline become Lucy and Jackie dancing together as the
credits roll.  

---

This
Date in Lucy History
– December 3rd

“Men Are Messy” (ILL S1;E8) ~ December 3, 1951 

“The Ricardos Visit Cuba” (ILL S6;E9) ~ December 3,1956

“The
Celebrity Next Door” (LDCH S1;E2) ~ December 3, 1957

“Vivian
Sues Lucy”
(TLS S1;E10) ~ December 3, 1962

“Harry
Catches Gold Fever”
(HL
S6;E12) ~ December 3, 1973

---

The writing here (whoever is responsible) is what makes the difference.  The first segment is familiar territory and feels expected. The shortest segment is the best written and most interesting.  The final scene is a family dramedy with some unfunny inferences to spouse abuse and violence.  Ball and Gleason are not Meryl Streep and Laurence Olivier, but they do well enough to make it a mostly entertaining hour.