LUCY AND THE GUARD GOOSE

Unaired Episode {originally scheduled for broadcast November 22, 1986}

[Photos

©

Getty Images]

Directed
by Peter Baldwin ~ Written by Bob Carroll Jr. and Madelyn Martin

Synopsis

When
the M&B Hardware is robbed, Lucy rents a goose to guard the
store!  

Regular
Cast

Lucille
Ball (Lucy
Barker), Gale
Gordon (Curtis
McGibbon), Ann
Dusenberry
(Margo Barker McGibbon),  Larry
Anderson
(Ted McGibbon), Jenny
Lewis
(Becky McGibbon), Philip
Amelio
(Kevin McGibbon), Donovan
Scott
(Leonard Stoner)

[For
biographies of the Regular Cast, see “One Good Grandparent Deserves
Another” (S1;E1)]

Guest
Cast

Charles
Levin (Sergeant
Green) made his screen debut in Woody Allen’s Annie
Hall
(1977) and was also seen in Allen’s
Manhattan (1979).
He had recurring roles on “Alice” (as Elliott Novak), “Hill
Street Blues” (as Eddie Gregg), and “Capital News” (as Vinnie
DeSalvo).  

Lou
Cuttell (Charlie
Zellman) made his screen debut on a 1964 episode of “The Dick Van
Dyke Show.”  He was recently part of the company of improv
performers featured on “Betty White’s Off Their Rockers.”  He
retired in 2010 at the age of 80.  

Charlie
Zellman rents guard geese.  

Oliver
(Guard Goose)

Tom
Williams (Crying
Goose Voice Over, uncredited) is an actor and voice artists who
worked extensively on “Adam-12” (1968-71). This is the first of
his three voice roles on “Life With Lucy.”  He will also provide
a dog bark and the buzzing of a fly!  Williams retired in 2010.  

Williams
only did the cry of the wounded and recovering Oliver.  A recorded
honk was used for Oliver’s other vocalizations.

---

This
was the second episode filmed, but in order to fight the expected
ratings drop after the series premiere, it was decided to move the
episode guest-starring John Ritter (filmed fourth) to second and save
this one for later in the run. It was scheduled to air November 22,
1986 but the series was canceled before it could air.  ABC moved a
half-hour series called “Sidekicks” from Fridays into Lucy’s
Saturday night time slot. The episode of “Sidekicks” that aired
on November 22, 1986 starred Keye Luke, who had guest starred on
“Here’s Lucy” in 1972.  

As
the episode opens, Margo is telling her family her dream about
Bruce Springsteen. Kevin says he likes the dream his mother had
about doing the tango with Tip O’Neill. Later in the episode, Margo
is woken from a dream where Mick Jagger wanted her to join his group.
She replied “Mick.
You can’t always get what you want.”
“You
Can’t Always Get What You Want”
is a song by the
Rolling Stones
written by Jagger
and
Keith
Richards. It was named the 100th greatest song of all time by Rolling
Stone magazine.

Lucille
Ball makes her entrance three minutes into the episode to loud and continued applause from the studio audience. 

After
Lucy’s stern warning about the cholesterol in eggs, Curtis reveals
his father (who ate eggs every day) lived to the age of 96.  Lucy’s healthy breakfast consists of bran, granola, wheat germ, and dried bananas.  

Kevin:
“You
know what humbug is?”
“
Ted:
“No,
what is it?”
Kevin:
“A
bug who can’t remember the words! (laughs) Sometimes I crack myself
up.”

Leonard
states historical precedence for using geese as guards and he is
correct. Guard
geese have been used throughout history, and in modern times. In
ancient Rome, sacred
geese were kept as guardians in the temple of Juno. While the Roman
soldiers and watch dogs slept, Juno’s sacred geese warned Rome of the
Gallic attack in 390 BC.
On
modern farms, geese are said to be good deterrents to predators of
other domestic fowl and snakes. They are reported to have been used
to guard US Air
Defense Command installations
in Germany, Ballantine’s
Distillery in
Dumbarton, Scotland, and to protect a police station in Xinjiang,
China.

The
episode uses and exterior shot of M&B Hardware at night. The exterior was actually a vacant storefront located directly across the street from what is now the Warner Hollywood Studios, a couple of blocks west of the corner of Santa Monica and LaBrea Avenue in Hollywood. 

Curtis says he’s been in business for 36 years and never had a robbery. This establishes the founding of M&B Hardware in 1950, the year before “I Love Lucy” began airing.  

Lucy
says she tried to call Charlie Zellman about Oliver, but got his
machine and had to listen to Frankie Laine singing “I
must go where the wild goose goes.”
“The
Cry of the Wild Goose”
is a 1950
song
written
by Terry
Gilkyson
and made famous by Laine. The song was later covered by Lucy favorite Tennessee
Ernie Ford.

After
Curtis throws a phone at Oliver, Lucy takes him home to nurse him
back to health where she remembers that her daughter Margo is
allergic to down feathers.  

Trying
to soothe Oliver, Harry sings “On
the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me…. One roasted
goose!”
Harry is paraphrasing “The
Twelve Days of Christmas,”
an English Christmas
carol
published
in 1780 as a chant or rhyme without music. Traditionally, geese are
part of the sixth day refrain: “Six
geese a-laying.”

As
Lucy, Curtis, and Ted each tussle with the unseen Oliver through the
kitchen door, a few goose feathers blow through the doorway into the
living room, a nice touch from production.

---

Using
animals for human work was explored by Lucy Carmichael when she
rented sheep to mow her lawn in a 1962 episode of “The Lucy Show.”

Although
they were mostly in the background, geese were also featured in “Lucy
Discovers Wayne Newton” (TLS S4;E14) in 1965.

Harry
blusters about a policeman never being around when you need them
while Sergeant Green is standing just behind him. Lucy Ricardo (with
a loving cup stuck on her head) said something similar about the men in
blue when standing next to one on a Brooklyn subway platform.  

On
“The Lucy Show” Danfield had two Hardware Stores. Early episodes
mentioned McClay’s Hardware (named after Howard McClay, Lucille
Ball’s long-time publicist) and later William Schallert played the
proprietor (and softball coach) who ran Cresant’s Hardware (above).    

When
Lucy Carter tries to prevent being robbed, she concocts a Rube
Goldberg-like series of traps for the burglar – but no live animals
were involved!  

---

This
Day in Lucy History  {had this episode aired as planned on November
22, 1986}

“Lucy’s
Mother-In-Law”
(ILL S4;E8) ~ November 22, 1954

“Lucy
and the Undercover Agent” (TLS S4;E10) ~ November 22, 1965

“Ginger
Rogers Comes to Tea”
(HL S4;E11) ~ November 22, 1971